ruthiestump: (Mikey KillJoy)
I don't know what I'm doing. I should be writing essays for scholarships or getting my shit together for school but no. I'm just sitting on my parents bed on the internet feeling bad about myself. Whoop-de-doo. What else is new?

So it seems I have enough creativity to make up a post that nobody really gives to fucks about but not enough creativity to tell an internship how technology influences my life, how I'm a role model in my community or to finish this fucking chapter of a fic I'm writing. It's sad, isn't it?

i know the pity party gets old but I just wanted to spill my thoughts because my chest was heavy and I haven't posted anything to livejournal in a while. :/ 
ruthiestump: (Photobooth)
Posting a snippet of this fic that I really wanted to do something with but when I started writing the idea went to hell. It was for the [ profile] mcr_bingo prompt 'Artist: Patrick Stump' and I wanted to do a Gerard/Patrick where Gee is listening to Patrick's new album and is reliving their summer together, (Summer of Like) and may or may not jerk off to Patrick's amazing voice. That's what I wanted to do but I didn't see myself following that path. Posting it here because my LJ seems empty. 

By the by, the journal title is in spanish. YAY for hispanic heritage! )

ruthiestump: (RAWR)
I'm not a writer. I finally figured it out. I'm not good enough. I know this but I know I won't stop. I'll beat myself to the ground with my doubt and low self esteem but I won't stop. At least not forever.

Question is: I know that i'm not good at writing, then what am I going to do in college? *sigh*
ruthiestump: (Photobooth)
Due to these pictures:
Way bros are just working it. )

I now want to see a fic where Gerard and Mikey are professional models. I just want it to exist. Someone... please. Make me happy.

ruthiestump: (RAWR)
It's not because of the difficulty of the work, it's because of the fact I don't have any time to write. Damn all of the AP work I have to do and all the colleges I have to apply to. >=|

It really hurts to not be able to work on the re-write of this story I'm working on or the drafts that I have for [ profile] mcr_bingo. I want to just drop all of the forms, essays, worksheets and questions that are filling up my time and just finish and edit the stories.

ruthiestump: (Joseph)
Day one and I already feel my chest cramping up from what is possibly anxiety. I mean, what would you feel when people are telling the whole senior class that college is right around the corner and we're not even ready for it. Pretty fucking scary.

I've noticed that I have to step up my game and actually try to do my homework this year. It hurts me to say that. It really does. If I do homework this year that means I have to lay off on writing/readng fan fiction. :( I've become really close to fanfiction. It's a second skin really. I'm going to miss it. (assuming that I actually buckle down and do what I set out to do.)

So here's to senior year and not having a mental/physical breakdown. :|
ruthiestump: (Default)

It's always like this, the first couple of days I'm miserable. And it does not help that they have every single hour of our day planned. The schedule is fucking suffocating me. You can't force people to be social, damn it. I think I'm being anti-social just to spite them.

Here's to the next few days and a bit of happiness/relaxation.
ruthiestump: (Joseph)

Well, cue that feeling for me the past two days and possibly the next couple of days while I'm here in Davidson. :|

I feel so out of my element here. In my sorry excuse for a school (Trust me, It is a sorry excuse for a high school. Im not even being dramatic.) I'm part of the smart people group, when I'm not being lazy, one of the people that most of my 62 fellow classmates came to for help. I get most of my stuff right and I do it with good quality. As you just read, I only have 62 students in my grade. Not much to say about my intelligence when you only compare it to 62 fucking people.

Now fast forward to me being in July Experience, an expensive 3 week academic program at Davidson college, where I'm learning college lessons with 67 other people from around the nation/world. Most of them paid for this oppurtunity. When I'm in class discussing the readings and shit, I feel so fucking stupid I want to curl up into a ball and cry. I don't know these people and they're SMARTER than me. Oh god.

Look at me now, bitching on my livejournal during my degsinated study time. o.O I am so going to fucking pass this. <sarcasm over> Oh and most of the people here actually go to a legit high school. With books and teachers and something more than a  fucking one story building. Ugh, I need to learn things. (at a high school level though; this college level is making me stressed.)

I also need to talk to people. It might just be the third day (and I'm already complaing. look at me. ) but people already have friends and my room mate and I have run out of things to talk about. News Flash: I'm boring when I don't know you. Ok. I'm done complaining. I'm going to try to get through the 40 pages I have to read.

Sorry to bore you, livejournal peeps.


ruthiestump: (Default)

September 2012

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