ruthiestump: (RAWR)
I'm not a writer. I finally figured it out. I'm not good enough. I know this but I know I won't stop. I'll beat myself to the ground with my doubt and low self esteem but I won't stop. At least not forever.

Question is: I know that i'm not good at writing, then what am I going to do in college? *sigh*
ruthiestump: (Nerds)
So just a quick update before I gush about Pete Wentz..... I'm failing a few of my classes, Might see Patrick Stump on Nov. 16, dropping out of the NaNoWriMo and Life is stupid. Now in this blog I'll shall give you another reason why I love Pete's writing. ♥

i’m up to the hips with dreams. )


Sep. 26th, 2011 06:11 pm
ruthiestump: (Baby Blues)
I'm WAY too attached to fanfiction. School is getting in the way of reading and writing and I don't like it. I use up any opportunity to write during classes but I can't write about Mikey being a cheerleader AND take notes on what limits a fucking government, which by the fucking way is basically 4th grade stuff. I'm just glad that there is no class on Thursday or Friday and I could possibly use that time to finish all of the freaking [ profile] mcr_bingo drafts in my email/iPod.

I haven't posted any fics in a while so I thought I would post up the first paragraph of one of the [ profile] mcr_bingo prompts. This one is for AU: Vampire and I was pretty proud of it... until my creativity flew away. -___- Oh imagination, why must you hurt me so?

Bampire! Bampire!  )

ruthiestump: (RAWR)
It's not because of the difficulty of the work, it's because of the fact I don't have any time to write. Damn all of the AP work I have to do and all the colleges I have to apply to. >=|

It really hurts to not be able to work on the re-write of this story I'm working on or the drafts that I have for [ profile] mcr_bingo. I want to just drop all of the forms, essays, worksheets and questions that are filling up my time and just finish and edit the stories.

ruthiestump: (Joseph)
Day one and I already feel my chest cramping up from what is possibly anxiety. I mean, what would you feel when people are telling the whole senior class that college is right around the corner and we're not even ready for it. Pretty fucking scary.

I've noticed that I have to step up my game and actually try to do my homework this year. It hurts me to say that. It really does. If I do homework this year that means I have to lay off on writing/readng fan fiction. :( I've become really close to fanfiction. It's a second skin really. I'm going to miss it. (assuming that I actually buckle down and do what I set out to do.)

So here's to senior year and not having a mental/physical breakdown. :|
ruthiestump: (Frikey)
It should be sickening but I don't think I really care. Frikey is awesome. So imagine my excitement when I clicked the Frank/Mikey tag in AO3 and found about 66 fics dealing with that wonderful pairing. I died and went to Fanfiction heaven.  :)

On other not important news: I started out lining the bandom real world fic. I have no idea why since I know I'm not going to write it soon but I'm getting myself excited. Once I finish the re-write I'm working on, I'll start working on the RW one and shape it to a passable fan fic.

Four days from now I'll be a High School Senior. Oh where does the time go? I have to start applying to colleges soon. Kind of scary but I'm ready for it! My birthday is coming up. Not really a big deal since it's the 17th year I'm alive so all I'm looking forward to is hanging out with my friends.

See, now I'm just rambiling about stupid stuff. To recap: Frikey is amazing, Bandom Real World is outlined for no reason, School is starting and my birthday is this month. YAY. I'll get out of your Flist now. 
ruthiestump: (Default)

It's always like this, the first couple of days I'm miserable. And it does not help that they have every single hour of our day planned. The schedule is fucking suffocating me. You can't force people to be social, damn it. I think I'm being anti-social just to spite them.

Here's to the next few days and a bit of happiness/relaxation.
ruthiestump: (Joseph)

Well, cue that feeling for me the past two days and possibly the next couple of days while I'm here in Davidson. :|

I feel so out of my element here. In my sorry excuse for a school (Trust me, It is a sorry excuse for a high school. Im not even being dramatic.) I'm part of the smart people group, when I'm not being lazy, one of the people that most of my 62 fellow classmates came to for help. I get most of my stuff right and I do it with good quality. As you just read, I only have 62 students in my grade. Not much to say about my intelligence when you only compare it to 62 fucking people.

Now fast forward to me being in July Experience, an expensive 3 week academic program at Davidson college, where I'm learning college lessons with 67 other people from around the nation/world. Most of them paid for this oppurtunity. When I'm in class discussing the readings and shit, I feel so fucking stupid I want to curl up into a ball and cry. I don't know these people and they're SMARTER than me. Oh god.

Look at me now, bitching on my livejournal during my degsinated study time. o.O I am so going to fucking pass this. <sarcasm over> Oh and most of the people here actually go to a legit high school. With books and teachers and something more than a  fucking one story building. Ugh, I need to learn things. (at a high school level though; this college level is making me stressed.)

I also need to talk to people. It might just be the third day (and I'm already complaing. look at me. ) but people already have friends and my room mate and I have run out of things to talk about. News Flash: I'm boring when I don't know you. Ok. I'm done complaining. I'm going to try to get through the 40 pages I have to read.

Sorry to bore you, livejournal peeps.


ruthiestump: (Default)

September 2012

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